Some of that principle applies here but for different reasons.  With a young child, they will hear the majority of the conversation, usually the last part.  Their memories are not as good as ours (except when it comes to something they really want) and their processing skills are not as advanced.

We hear a lot of words, are able to listen to them, interpret them and then respond appropriately.  For a young child, their processing is not as developed and so they can only process small amounts at a time.  They will hear all of the words, but the parts that get processed are often the last words you said - the ones they don’t have to remember for the longest.  So when you say “Don’t touch that toy”, the don’t is the word furtherest away from where they end up and the one that is the most difficult to process because of where it sits in the sentence.  They will remember the “touch the toy” far easier than putting the “don’t” infront which changes the whole dimension of the sentence as well.  Double processing!

So, if you want your child not to do something, turn it into the positive form of the negative.  Instead of “don’t touch the toy” you could say “leave the toy alone.”  All words contribute to the same meaning and the last words heard are “toy alone.”  Another way of doing things would be to redirect your child and not even mention the toy. If you don’t want to touch a certain toy, simply redirect them by picking up another toy and saying “look at this toy.  do you want to play with this one?”

Really take notice of the way you say things when your child appears to not be listening.  It could just be that their processing skills are not as advanced and what you are asking is harder for them to hear, process and respond to than you think.

Remember too that processing takes time for a child - we respond in split second timing but for a younger child, it takes longer. Another important point is to not just rely on the auditory pathway.  Use eye contact, body gestures, tone of voice etc as well as words to get your child to do what you want them to do.

Play with structuring your sentences differently and see if it makes a difference.

• FIRST, KEEP CALM. When your toddler bites, your first reaction may tend to be frustration, embarrassment, angry or annoyed.  While these are normal, not giving the behavior attention is really important.  So keep calm when approaching the situation. 
      
• FIRM BUT FAIR.  In a firm but not angry voice, use the words you have choosen to address your child.  Whether it be “no biting”, “biting hurts” or another phrase, use the same words each time.  This reinforces the change in behavior you are trying to make.  
    
• SHIFT YOUR ATTENTION.  When a child bites, it is not uncommon for parents to pay a lot of attention to the child.  Either smaking, chastising or dealing with the “offender”.  Instead, after you have reinforced through your chosen phrase, turn your attention to the one who has been bitten.  Rather than the biter receiving negative attention, the one who was bitten is receiving appropriate attention for the incident.  It needs to be clear to your child that biting does not result in continued attention   
   
• TALK ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE.  If your child is verbal, after you have seen to the child who was bitten, take your child aside and talk to them about what happened.  Give them some strategies to work with if it happens again.  For eg.  “If Hamish takes your truck and won’t give it back, use words to ask him to give it back.  You could say ‘Hamish, please give back my truck.’  If that doesn’t work, you could go and find a grown up to help you.”  Whatever the scenario is, give your child alternative strategies to work with next time.  While this takes time to implement and for your child to build upon, you are teaching them life skills.  

 

• HELP YOUR CHILD TO MOVE ON.  Ask your child what they would like to do next?  What toy would they like to play with?  Would they like to go outside and play on the swings?  Allow them to move past the incident with dignity and to release some of the built up energy from the incident.  

 

Remember, learning a new behavior takes time. Your toddler may bite again, so continue watching playtime closely.

Now we will look at strategies for the various scenarios in Part 1.  We looked at a variety of reasons children may bite in Part 1.  If you have not read that yet, go back and re-read that before moving on.  Now let’s look at specific things you can do for each of those situations.

If you think your child is biting because of lack of language you can:

• USE THE STRATEGIES above to help your child use words instead of biting

 

• PRAISE THEM when they do choose to use words

 

• HELP THEM to show their emotions in an appropriate way

 

• GIVE YOUR CHILD AGE APPROPRIATE CHOICES so they feel they are contributing to things.  For eg, what to wear that day, who to play with.  Being able to make choices for themselves sometimes helps alleviate negative behavior such as biting

 

If your child is easily overwhelmed by their environment (lights, sounds etc) you can:

• HELP WITH SENSORY INPUT.  Your child may be unable to deal well with the sensory input that is coming in.  This will mean that they need more opportunities to experience sensory input in an appropriate way.  Expose your child to a variety of textures, sounds, lights, etc in small amounts, watching your child for their response.  If they become too distressed, stop and resume at a later time.

 

• CREATE A SAFE PLACE.  Create a safe place in your house that may be a cozy corner with pillows, cushions and books, or a play tent - a place where you can go for sensory “time out” for a break.  A place where your child does not feel overwhelmed or on overload.  A place where you can quietly read books together or just snuggle.  Use this place if your child becomes overwhelmed.

 

• GIVE A BIG BEAR HUG when you feel your child is overwhelmed or about to bite.  This can sometimes help a child hold it together and can sometimes stop the need to bite.

 

• KEEP VOLUMES LOW.  In the house, keep TV or music volumes low

 

If your child is experimenting to see what can happen you can:

• PROVIDE FIRM FEEDBACK - using the strategies at the top of the page, use the same phrase in a firm but calm voice eg “biting hurts”.

 

• TEACH CAUSE AND EFFECT.  Teach your child about the cause and effect of biting.  “Because you have bitten Stephie, she is now crying.  She is very said now because it hurts when you bite.”

 

If your child is teething or in need of more oral simulation you can:

• Provide appropriate teethers or something cold (such as a cold face cloth) to bite

 

• Provide a hard, age appropriate, crunchy snack

 

If your child needs more active play you can:

• Set aside a specific time each day where you do active things

 

• Have outdoors excursions where you have a treasure hunt, finding certain things

 

• Play at the park

 

• Never punish your child for biting by loosing their play time.  This can make the problem worse

 

• Build activity into your child’s everyday routine.  Eg Jump 10 times before having breakfast etc

 

There are a lot of toddlers who adopt the behavior of biting. Parents often get concerned about their child and get desperate to stop the action. Some will even resort to biting the child back so they “know how it feels”. This does the opposite and does not stop the child biting but can encourage more of the same behavior.

Let’s look at why toddlers might bite:

• LACK OF LANGUAGE and the ability to explain what they are feeling. This leads to frustration and because they have limited coping mechanisms of control, they lash out, some turning to biting.

 

• LACK OF LANGUAGE and ability to control other feelings such as joy and excitement. Toddlers don’t always have to be frustrated to bite, they might feel any of the following as an example:

          You are standing too close to me

          I want to play with you

          I am really excited

• OVER STIMULATION from their environment - it could be lights, loud noises, or activity level

 

• WANT TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN - Toddlers are starting to experiment with cause and effect. As a younger baby, they soon work out that if they throw their toy over the highchair, someone will pick it up. This is one of the most common cuase and effect scenarios and we all see babies do it. In the older child (the toddler) they experiment with other forms of cause and effect. While we might panic and see the behavior as serious, we need to try and identify the cause first so we can react appropriately.

 

• NEED MORE ACTIVE PLAY TIME. If a child is understimulated, this may be a reason for the biting behavior. Often you may be able to redirect the biting behavior with more stimulating, age appropriate play

 

• ARE TEETHING

 

• NEED MORE ORAL STIMULATION - In babies, the sensors around the mouth are extremely active and needed for life skills such as feeding. Normally, these sensors around the mouth gradually give way in importance to sensors in the hands (as they develop). In some toddlers, this happens more slowly and the sensors around the mouth do not loose their need for stimulation. In these cases, children can turn to biting as a means of stimulation.

 

SO WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD IS BITING?

It is essential to observe, and analyse why your child might be biting. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What happened right before the bite?
• Who was your child playing with?
• What was happening in the room?
• Who was caring for your child?
• Was your child upset?

IF YOUR CHILD IS ON THE VERGE OF BITING:

• Distract your child with a toy or another form of play

 

• Suggest ways your toddler may use words instead of biting to get their point across. While this may not happen the first time, this sets up a behavior pattern for them to follow. The more you do it, the more success you will have.   Eg. “Scott, you can use words to tell Janelle she is too close to you. Janelle, you are too close.”The more you reinforce this behavior, the more your child will be equipped to use words.

  For suggestions on how to cope with biting specifically for the various reasons for biting, see Part 2.

• sequencing
• lanugage
• rhythm
• connection between print and the spoken word
• word syllables
• patterns
• variety in pitch

SEQUENCING

Sequencing is an important skill needed in english, reading, math and science.  It is the ability to know and understand the sequence of events IN ORDER.  A young child may be able to relay events to you, but will often jumble up the order.  Sequencing is developed through story reading by presenting events as a beginning, middle and end - making up a complete story when put together in the correct order.  Being able to retell the story in the correct order in their own words is important (some children will even elaborate on the events, expandig on the ideas by putting their own interpretation on it).  These same sequencing skills are also used in math and science. 

LANGUAGE

By reading aloud, your child gets to hear language, its natural rhythms and the natural rise and fall of your voice.  This brings a whole host of benefits in both reading and acquiring language.  A child’s first step to speaking is imitation.  After they can imitate, they then play with language as they become better at speaking and start looking for rhyming words, patterns and rhythm in language.  This play with language builds a strong foundation for reading themselves.  The more they are exposed to someone reading aloud, the more easily they will learn to relate to the rhythm of language itself.

CONNECTION BETWEEN THE SPOKEN WORD AND PRINT

While the majority of this happens in the 3 - 5 year old child, we can still see evidence of this with very young children who are able to point out the famous “golden arches” of MacDonalds or the K of the KMart every time you drive by.  That is a direct connection between the written word and language.  As you read aloud to your child, if they are able to talk, ask questions about the story and illustrations. The older the child, the more elaborate the responses will be.  What is happening in the pictures?  Why do you think the character went to this place?  This word starts with “S” - can you find other words that start with the same letter?  By drawing this direct correlation betwen print and the spoken word, you are preparing your child well for reading when they get older.